i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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