Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
