He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
