omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
