which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
