Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
