there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
