I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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