I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
