The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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