he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
