If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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