Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize