Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
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