At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
it was like eating out sand paper
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
