I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
