Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Operation Purity has been aborted
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
