I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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