i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
