I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
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