using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
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Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
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The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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