I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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