I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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