Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
