there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
