can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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