Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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