if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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