Plan B is the new Plan A
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
