I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
