I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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