you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
