I got chris browned last night
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
