How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
