I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
