I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
