dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
