my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
