i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
