I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
