My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
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I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
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Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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