i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
