Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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