And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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