If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Sorry my hands just texted you
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
