I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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