i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
