dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
