Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
