I want to have your abortion
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
