Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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