4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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