That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
