your parents love me but you hate me
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
