well you can't waste a boner
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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