Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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