Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
