Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
