You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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