Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
