dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
