currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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