I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
