I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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