Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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