he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
