I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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