i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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